If You're Happy (and you know it)

I went on holiday with a friend who checked her steps, clocked her miles, logged her calories and monitored her sleep. There was even a gadget like the moon ring from the 70’s to detect her mood. Measuring and tracking is not a new thing – obviously performed at your doctor’s office on the regular. Perhaps it’s the personal cueing that has me perplexed – same reason I don’t have a scale in my house. I am fairly certain that a midnight snack of cheesecake for a few nights in a row will lead to weight gain, lack of sleep and unhappiness when I try to fit into my “skinny” jeans. Tracking how long it’s been since I’ve had sex could be useful, if it could give me sex. And if I haven’t had sex for awhile perhaps a loud siren like the one that comes on tv or the radio when there’s an emergency could sound off – Could that be helpful for keeping me on track? Is the dependence on some outer widget to remind us to do the things that are intrinsically human and instinctual the way to go? Is this how we live our best lives when we no longer know we’re living them? Waiting, hoping for someone or something to let us know.

But on second thought maybe we do really need to be told when we’ve eaten too much or if we’re happy or sad – in which case I probably need a monitor to let me know when I’ve met my daily quota for ignorant bullshit so I can say to Mr. 40-something backwards baseball cap dude sitting next to me at the bar “Whoa, hey I’m maxed out listening to stupid comments for today. Yours would put me over my limit.” Or I could track the number of ungrateful comments from teenage son to let me know when to stop funding his future education.

Better yet – you could receive rewards. Every time you complete your workout a finishing line would roll out of your device to run through – and the crowd would cheer! When your mood color reveals “happy” all of the friends you’ve ever known would gather round you and offer a toast. Sparklers could shoot out of the device when you have a good idea.

Ok gotta go - my phone is dying and I’m really not sure what comes next.